Soap Box: One Life To Live & All My Children Return

Today marked the new era in soap operas. Well at least for former ABC long running soaps, All My Children & One Life To Live. Absent for over a year, Prospect Park launched the reboots today on Hulu, Hulu Plus & iTunes.

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God help you if you are new to the show. Chapter 1, Part 1 opened the series with a club launch, a lot of music, little dialogue, even more teenagers/younger crowd, and very few name drops. Oh yeah, and you have no idea how much time has passed between the end of the ABC run and today’s launch.

You can kind of guess on the time passed, as Natalie’s little boy, who was a baby when the show went black, is now toddling about and talking. I’m thinking maybe 3-4 years old. Maybe 5. And speaking of Natalie, she is still the worst character and actress on the show. At least in this first 28 minutes.

The teen set has grown up. I think. They are in the club drinking and dancing. Apparently Matthew has become Danni’s dealer of Oxy. Destiny has grown taller and skinnier (shame on you PP for recasting her and sending out a message of thin is in). There is a new kid on the block, Jeffery King (one of the few names dropped).

Vicki is basking in the glow of Dorian’s senatorial downfall, while Clint is off of house arrest thanks to Tea. Speaking of Tea, she is apparently mourning the loss of her and Victor’s child (a carry over from General Hospital?).

Cutter is now a club manager/promoter at the reinvented Capricorn now Shelter, which Blair owns. I am going to assume the younger set is all of age since they were drinking up a storm and she didn’t seem to mind.

There was an awkward dance sequence between Natalie & Cutter that I am going to try to forget.

Nothing like opening up a soap opera reboot with a murder & tattoo mystery. At least that’s what I think happened. It all seemed so choppy.

Nora & Bo seemed totally ill at ease. Bo calls out Matthew for drugs (he found the Oxy) and Matthew just storms out, while Nora just sits there and basically does nothing.

And to show that they are in the “big time” and not on network, they drop the word “shit” and flirt with the boundaries of nudity. Hello Natalie dropping her dress and curling up on the couch with a blanket barely covering her and her spiked heels. What?

There is a nice surprise at the end that people like me will like. What I would call a “Big” return.

I was not too impressed with the first episode. It left me with so many questions in a span of 28 minutes. And then I find out that there are only going to be four new episodes a week with an occasional Friday recap. Say what? I wish they would put out a “What’s happened since” episode or blog post or something. At this rate it is going to take a year to figure out what the hell is going on. Especially since the writers don’t appear to like to write much dialogue.

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Five years has passed since JR showed up to the festivities with a gun and gun shots rang out. You sort of get a glimpse of what happened, David wrestling with the gun and who I assume is JR. But, you never really find out what really happened. Whatever it was has Ace or AJ in a tizzy and not wanting to talk about it. It appears he’s living with Brooke & Adam & his BFF is Miranda. All grown up. But at least you know it’s been five years.

I will give credit to the writers for the line Petey had about t.v. being online. Nice. Petey or Peter is some sort of Silicon Valley app mogul. Yeah, I am not sure I get it either since you can get free courses from iTunes U on building apps. He was summoned back to town by mama Opal to try and save Cortland Electronics and only decides to stick around because he bumped into some sort of high school/college tween on the street named Celia. Who may or may not be responsible for handing out condoms at a girls school? Facts of Life with a twist.

Someone has been lying in a hospital bed for five years, but we don’t know who. It could be Tad, whom Dixie was maudlin over in a photo. Or it could be JR. Nobody knows.

Jessie has a surprised planned for Angie. Cassandra is set to come home. Only we find out she didn’t get picked up and someone has her phone, which they smashed. Could be because it was a Blackberry. At least it looked like a Blackberry.

We do know that David has been in jail for five years and is not out and heading home. I assume he is still married to Cara and I am not sure what happened to their unborn child (at least I think I remember he being pregnant at the end of the ABC run). But before he gets home, he hits the cemetery where he blames a dead person for his time behind bars, but sheds a tear. I didn’t think heartless people cried.

So who died? And who’s comatose (and will undoubtedly be awakened by snake charmer David)?

I was slightly more impressed with AMC’s debut. It answered a few questions, but still a recap of what happened would be nice.

Oh and AMC is also playing with the bounds of nudity and language. So, there’s that.

Did you catch the new episodes of OLTL & AMC? Were you impressed? Are you happy they are back? Hit the comments and let me know.

Free online episodes are available at Hulu (with ten episodes available without a subscription). You can purchase them online through iTunes & if you subscribe to Hulu Plus, all episodes will be available. 


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