The One About The Playoffs Round 1

I thought I would hijack a post and stray away from knitting and all things fiber and talk a little about a HUGE passion of mine…hockey. Specifically NHL and Stanley Cup Playoff hockey.

I am sure that most of my readers know my undying loyalty to all things Pittsburgh Penguins. Well all things with the exception of former Pens turned traitors Max Talbot & Jaromir Jagr. So it should come as no surprise, if you follow even the most limited amount of NHL hockey that I am beyond bummed. My beloved team was ousted by their bitter rivals (and mine) the philadelphia flyers. I don’t feel the need to give them the respect of capitalization. It is the passive-aggressive demeanor in me. It is also better than calling them something that borders on obscene. And by borders, I mean full on crosses the line. There is really no excuse as to why the Pens were eliminated in the first six games of the playoffs. Well I’m sure there is, but nothing really seems valid. They showed up pretty early in game one, but then somewhere around the third period, they went elsewhere. Then they were pretty much absent until game four and they stuck around for game five (barely), but then game six was one of those matinee games and pretty much nobody was on board for that.

Let me veer off course here for a minute and talk to you about these matinee or day games. I don’t like them. I don’t like them at all. I do stuff during the day. Errands, napping, stuff. At night I settle in and watch hockey. Hockey is only played during the day when it is outside and that is only because there are no lights and it becomes a touch more dangerous. So, night time. Players are used to this. They have their routines, meals, naps, routines. I follow mostly Eastern Conference teams and I don’t live on the East Coast. I live in Montana. Mountain time, two hour time difference. So if a game starts at noon on a Sunday that means it starts at 10:00 a.m. in my time zone. 10:00 a.m. On a Sunday. That does not really work for me and if it is a Saturday you can full on forget it. I have stuff to do. I don’t like to get out of bed and then immediately have to be prepared for a hockey game. Hockey is meant to be played at night. Night! Not day! Game Day simply refers to “today is the day of the game” which translates to “the game will be played on the night of today” or something like that. Night!

But back to the Playoffs. I hate all things philly. I just do. It sort of like an injection you get when you decide to be a fan of Pittsburgh sports. In my case, I became a Penguins fan and thus was given my anti-philly injection. It sort of covers you in case you decide to like other things philly, which thankfully my injection worked and I don’t. That is not to say that there are not some nice people there. I am sure there are. I am sure there are some quite lovely people who probably don’t turn on their team the minute they lose a game. I am sure there are some people who live under rocks there and don’t really follow sports. And when I encounter them I will be cordial. But if they come at me wearing a flyers jersey, all bets are off.

I was left with somewhat of a dilemma. My team was out; they are all headed off to various parts of Canada and Russia. And here I sit with nothing really. Well that’s not true, I have stuff, but I am left with this hockey void. This empty feeling. Sure there are games still being played and there are teams that I don’t mind still in it, but really there is not any one game that is a MUST see for me. Blah. I will say that I am pulling for the Rangers. They are sort of like my second team. I adore John Tortorella, their coach, in such a way that baffles a ton of hockey fans. I am finding that not many people can appreciate all that is Torts. I can. I have for a long time. A long time. I would follow that man to almost any team. Even maybe philly. I wouldn’t like the team, I would be a bit miffed at him, just like I am Max & Jagr, but I would still tune in. Why you ask? Because the man is pure entertainment. He wears every emotion he owns on his face and it is stellar to watch. I love to watch his pressers and see him get pissed off at the media for asking inane questions. See that I used a big word. I wish they had a Torts Cam for every game, just to watch his expressions. Pure entertainment. So Go Rangers tonight in game 7 against Ottawa. How did that even happen? The top team Rangers, versus the bottom team Ottawa and they are going to a game 7? That sort of boggles my mind because I totally expected NY to handle that series in five games. Ugh!

Last night there was somewhat of a silver lining. I am so anti Boston right now it is unreal. There is not one player or person on that team in that organization that I can stomach. Not one. Well maybe Marty Turco but…nope, nope, not him either. It was difficult, seeing the Bruins being matched up with the Capitals. I am a Pens fan after all and the Pens and Caps don’t mesh well together. It is hard because I was a Caps fan for a long time. Sure it was only because they had Jagr & Brent Johnson but still. I didn’t really understand the huge hatred between the Pens and the Caps, but I went along with it and started hating them. It became easier when Alex Ovechkin showed up and Mike Green. A lot easier actually. But there was something to this series and that something was a young rookie being called up at the very end of the regular season and needing to be the starting goalie for the first round. Say what? Yep! So Bradon Holtby (sorry if I spelled his name wrong, I am both on a roll and too lazy to go check) was something to watch. And something good. There were no blowouts, there were many overtimes including last night’s game 7. And there was something else. I HATE the Bruins. I hate all of them. Tim Thomas is basically like a dead person to me. I cannot stomach to even look at him, let alone support him in any game, no matter who they are playing (hint hint you lousy flyers). So, imagine my surprise when I found myself rooting for the Caps. And imagine my surprise when I decided to watch the OT last night and found myself yelling at the TV. in my most excited voice “it went in. It went in!” That’s right kids, the Caps are moving on to round two and my beloved Pens are setting up tee times and gassing up fishing trollers. Where is the freaking justice? Mind boggling.

I guess I should talk about the West for a minute or two. Mostly what happened there is what I wanted with one exception. First, yay for St. Louis. I am not going to hate on them just because of their coach Ken Hitchcock, who is not one of my favorites and I am not really a Sharks fan. I mean Joe Thornton was a Bruin after all (not that that is fair to hold that against him, I am just saying…). So good for them. They are going to play the Kings who ousted the Canucks, the president trophy winners two years in a row. I am more anxious to see what happens come July when Bobby Lou can be traded away. I don’t think there is an ECHL team with enough cash to take him, but that looks to be his best bet. Unless it is a year like last year where teams are throwing money and nobodies just to reach the cap floor. Throw some of that shit my way, and I will strap on some goalie gear and just sit there. It’s basically what happens in philly. I digress.

I was not sad when Vancouver was eliminated. I don’t think much of their players. I thought when I saw Schneider that he was the third Sedin twin. Shocking to find out he doesn’t speak with an accent. Plus a lot of their players are divers. I expect to see some of them in the London Olympics.

Then there was the Detroit/Nashville series. I was on team Nashville right up until Shea Weber used Henrik Zetterbeg’s face as a squeegee. He had to pay $2500 for that. Note, there are only two zeroes in that amount. Two thousand five hundred dollars for grabbing a man by the back of the neck and slamming his face into the glass. In society that gets you a night in jail and probably at least a five thousand dollar bail. I think, I am not sure as I have never done that or been in the pokey. Still, I used to respect Shea Weber, I especially liked the piece they did with him and his dog I think it was last year. Still like the dog though. Even if his owner is a dick. After that I really didn’t much care who won. I will admit though it felt good that the Pens won more playoff games than the Red Wings.

Chicago versus Phoenix. I don’t like Chicago. A few years ago I liked Chicago when they beat philly for the Cup but I don’t really like them. Their captain has no sense of emotion. NONE. He is like one of those special people who can’t feel things. You know like the little girl on that Grey’s Anatomy episode who was unable to fee any sort of pain. That is Jonathan Toews. Unable of showing emotion. He, Claude Julien and Daryl Sutter are those kids whose faces “froze that way”. And speaking of Claude Julien, does anyone else think that he and Bruce Bodreau are DNA related? Anyways, Chicago. Don’t like them. So I was rooting for Phoenix. And then Raffi Torres became the poster boy for long suspensions. I don’t like Raffi, I didn’t like him last year, don’t like him this year. But I do sort of like Mike Smith. I think he sort of got hosed down in Tampa and right now he is kicking back and laughing at them. They are going to play Nashville and so I am still on Team Coyote. It is more than just Shea Weber in Nashville. I cannot lie, it is also Carrie Underwood. I don’t like her and I hate when they show her at games and she looks like she is winning a beauty pageant.

Holy crap! I almost forgot about the New Jersey/Florida series. That is probably because it is a sleeping aid. New Jersey has this uncanny ability to slow down every game they play so that it takes three years to complete. They probably don’t even know that they weren’t in the playoffs last year because they are still playing the season after their last Cup. I am rooting for Florida because who expected that? I fully expected Florida to tank the season after going out and completely rehauling and overspending on their team. They threw a bucket of cash at Jovo and he is a hurt and aging defenseman. Not to say I don’t still love him, but he is closing in on 36 which is not OLD, but is OLD when you are a hockey player. Unless you are Nik Lidstrom or Teemu Selanne. Except that I think it is old if you are Teemu. I think Nik Lidstrom drinks from the Dick Clark fountain of youth, which may or may not be tainted. From all that you should have gotten that I am for Florida.

So there you have it. Go Rangers, Go Panthers tonight. I think you can expect to learn the outcome of the New Jersey/Florida game sometime around 3:00 p.m. MST Sunday, April 28, 2013.

I am quite certain that most of you are going to look at this and not read it because it is long and there are no pictures. But I will tell you that it was fun to write and took up a little chunk of my time and for that I am thankful.

Sorry if you were looking for some Works In Progress, but, while I have some, they haven’t been progressed since the last time I posted them. I do have a couple of FPs coming up though. Someday.


Heather said…
I loved that post. I too would strap on hockey gear for a quarter of what they are paying. You had me cracking up with the CAPs stuff. I know that I personally don't dislike the team it's just their made up hatred towards us that is annoying as well as their fans.
Heather said…
I loved that post. I too would strap on hockey gear for a quarter of what they are paying. You had me cracking up with the CAPs stuff. I know that I personally don't dislike the team it's just their made up hatred towards us that is annoying as well as their fans.

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