Thursday 13 # 54



Thirteen Things That Are Wrong With Soap Operas

Don't get me wrong, I love them. But, there are some things that are just wrong with soaps.



  1. No happiness. Nobody is allowed to be in love and happy for very long.

  2. Miscarriages. Only about a billion a year!

  3. Birth in peril. Ever notice how so many women go into labor in the rain, in the middle of a typhoon, trapped in a cave, early in a car?

  4. Forgotten children. Children are neglected for YEARS on soaps.

  5. Aging of children. Amazing how someone born in 1993 is now a father of a teenager that was born is 2000! What is the boarding school they sent their kid to, on Saturn?

  6. Not really dead! How many people have returned from the dead? Soaps have made me believe that perhaps someday I will find out that my father was a secret agent and he will return from the dead about the time my mom is set to marry his brother. If only my father had a brother!

  7. White wedding gowns! Most women getting married these days on soaps have already been married, have had sex with just about everyone in town and has already had a miscarriage or three, and have a kid off on Saturn aging to 23!

  8. Skinny bitches! There are only about a handful of plus size ladies on the soaps and the men are all ripped! Our nation is overweight people! Cater to the real people in the world!

  9. Fake men! No man has ever been as pussiefied as a soap man! They always have the perfect words to make a woman melt. If a woman breaks down crying, a real man is going to be nervous, he won't have all the right words, if he even has any words.

  10. Miracles! You can't have children. But, doctor that's all I ever wanted. Surprise, you're pregnant! Wait, I'm deaf? But I am getting married in a month! Guess what? I can hear!

  11. No pets! Nobody has a dog or a cat!

  12. Night & Day. Ever notice how in one scene they are having breakfast and when you come back from commercial, someone else is at a gala event?

  13. Rewriting history! The most glaring example of this is when AMC decided that Erica's aborted fetus was transplanted to another woman! WTF?

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to go read Soap Opera Digest while watching today's episode of All My Children tonight on SoapNet!



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Comments

Natalie said…
Your list is hilarious!

I love how the actors always seem to be talking to the other actor's back, so both faces can be seen by the camera.

Then they say, I have to tell you, I'm...... (raises eyebrow dramatically)... (cut to commercial)

Happy TT! :)
Elisa said…
That's because they're only *mostly* dead. Or...randomly played by another actor and no one says anything about it.

Great list.
Nicholas said…
That business of bringing people back from the dead is so insulting to one's intelligence. When Bobby Ewing reappeared from the dead in the shower, I gave up Dallas, and all soaps.

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