They chose the dude

I am so bad. I haven’t written in a while. Thursday 13’s don’t count. I don’t even have a good excuse. I have just been lazy. All I do is read email, blogs and watch tv.

A few weeks ago I may have mentioned applying for a job with corporate. Well I did it…then I went on corporate’s website and figured that a lot of people would be applying (the job pays more that some program administrators make). Well last Tuesday I get a phone call that only two people applied…me and some other dude. Last Wednesday I went and did a skills assessment…it took about 3 hours. Then, last Thursday or Friday I got a phone call about an interview this Wednesday. I am so freaking nervous. I can’t help but daydream about getting the job (I even had a tarot reading last Wednesday that said I would be offered a new job). I hate when this happens, because when I am rejected, I go into a deep depression for a few days and usually end up crying myself to sleep. I have been trying everything I can think of to get my mind on something else, but it is not working. Today was a little better, but everyone at work, god bless them, keeps telling me that I will be great and that I will probably get the job. Problem, I don’t think I will get it. Why? Because I never get what I really want. Case in point…I thought the interview for my current job was the worst thing ever. I told everyone that it didn’t matter if I didn’t get the job and believe me it didn’t. I mean I wanted an offer, but my world was not going to end if I didn’t get one. I wasn’t going to lose any tears over it. So what happens? I get the job. Another case…I really wanted this job with chemical dependency. I interviewed, sent a thank you letter, did everything right. I found out that it was between me and some other guy. I could taste this job. I had already begun packing up my apartment in Helena to move back to Butte. They chose the dude. I had a complete breakdown. I mean, breakdown. I was off work for a week and a half. I had to go to the therapist every other day. Now, my total breakdown wasn’t just because of the job…they changed my meds and it just happened at the same time. But still, when I found out I didn’t get the job, I was so depressed. I drove home after work that night and cried the entire hour long trip. I took the next day off and sulked around the house. I fear that will happen again. I think not as bad, because I like my job and am not trying to leave a bad situation like last time, but still…it scares me. And believe me, there is no way to prepare for rejection. I have tried and still continue to. It is impossible.

Other than all that…everything else is going good. I think I am losing interest in the novel. I just can’t come up with any plotting ideas. I don’t have any scenes worked out. I have a funny tingling sensation in my fingers right now. It feels kind of neat. I am poor. I got paid on Friday and now my money is gone. I don’t know what I am going to do next week. I guess time will tell. Perhaps Ed McMahon will stop being a greedy bitch and bring me a check.


Anonymous said…
I have been there, I went as far as creating an office humor satire website about my evil boss and wicked co-workers.
the office

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