Thursday, August 31, 2006

Thursday 13 # 8

Thirteen Names I Like
1. Jebediah
2. Wesley Ann
3. Hadley
4. Addison
5. Nikolai
6. Frederick
7. Mirabella
8. Ignacio
9. Rafael
10. Connor
11. Karis
12. Carrington
13. Teague
Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)
Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Monday, August 28, 2006

They chose the dude

I am so bad. I haven’t written in a while. Thursday 13’s don’t count. I don’t even have a good excuse. I have just been lazy. All I do is read email, blogs and watch tv.

A few weeks ago I may have mentioned applying for a job with corporate. Well I did it…then I went on corporate’s website and figured that a lot of people would be applying (the job pays more that some program administrators make). Well last Tuesday I get a phone call that only two people applied…me and some other dude. Last Wednesday I went and did a skills assessment…it took about 3 hours. Then, last Thursday or Friday I got a phone call about an interview this Wednesday. I am so freaking nervous. I can’t help but daydream about getting the job (I even had a tarot reading last Wednesday that said I would be offered a new job). I hate when this happens, because when I am rejected, I go into a deep depression for a few days and usually end up crying myself to sleep. I have been trying everything I can think of to get my mind on something else, but it is not working. Today was a little better, but everyone at work, god bless them, keeps telling me that I will be great and that I will probably get the job. Problem, I don’t think I will get it. Why? Because I never get what I really want. Case in point…I thought the interview for my current job was the worst thing ever. I told everyone that it didn’t matter if I didn’t get the job and believe me it didn’t. I mean I wanted an offer, but my world was not going to end if I didn’t get one. I wasn’t going to lose any tears over it. So what happens? I get the job. Another case…I really wanted this job with chemical dependency. I interviewed, sent a thank you letter, did everything right. I found out that it was between me and some other guy. I could taste this job. I had already begun packing up my apartment in Helena to move back to Butte. They chose the dude. I had a complete breakdown. I mean, breakdown. I was off work for a week and a half. I had to go to the therapist every other day. Now, my total breakdown wasn’t just because of the job…they changed my meds and it just happened at the same time. But still, when I found out I didn’t get the job, I was so depressed. I drove home after work that night and cried the entire hour long trip. I took the next day off and sulked around the house. I fear that will happen again. I think not as bad, because I like my job and am not trying to leave a bad situation like last time, but still…it scares me. And believe me, there is no way to prepare for rejection. I have tried and still continue to. It is impossible.

Other than all that…everything else is going good. I think I am losing interest in the novel. I just can’t come up with any plotting ideas. I don’t have any scenes worked out. I have a funny tingling sensation in my fingers right now. It feels kind of neat. I am poor. I got paid on Friday and now my money is gone. I don’t know what I am going to do next week. I guess time will tell. Perhaps Ed McMahon will stop being a greedy bitch and bring me a check.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Thursday 13 # 7

Thirteen Random Images on My Computer

Sunday, August 20, 2006

I find it highly annoying and childish

I sometimes think that I am odd or just too…I don’t even know the word for it. What brought this on? I find some things to just be too annoying, to grating on my nerves. For example, in my writing group, there is a person who has something she calls a silent voice and what others might call personality. She signs her name and then something descriptive (the confused SV). I don’t know why but I find it highly annoying and childish. I think that it would have been something I would have done in my 20s but then after seeing it show up a few times in emails, would have found it to be stupid and would have discontinued it. I did something sort of similar, I used to sign things Iggy. Why Iggy? It was cute. I don’t have any cute nicknames that people call me. I get pissed when people shorten my name to Heath. I mentally have to add the er. I tried changing my name once to Ann. There is even evidence of this…I made my mom a plate for mother’s day and signed, right on the plate, “love Ann”. Even when playing make believe, I had to have a cute name. But, I am older now and I don’t do that anymore. I don’t even really pick out names for children. I do pick out names for my characters, but even that has become increasingly difficult. Tonight, to decide on a name, I put them into a hat and had to draw some out.

Wow, this has taken an entirely different slant than originally planned. Oh well, that’s my prerogative.

So the weekend is over and I have a little more to show for it than usual. I replaced all the knobs on my dressers so now they match and have a little more pizzazz. I moved one dresser back into my room and the big tv cabinet out. The tv corner is brighter and I uncovered a picture I almost forgot about. I read my magazines, got a new shirt and jacket, gained a pound, and dusted my bedroom. I also set my self up for a let down. I made the mistake of looking at the program powerpoints and found out that most of the program administrators make less than the job I applied for, which probably means some of them applied for it and I don’t stand a chance. Not that I stood much of one before. I have decided that if I get an interview and they say, “Why should we hire you”, I am going to respond, “I know I can do the job well and I just need an opportunity to prove myself.” Or something along those lines. I am almost looking forward to tomorrow because it will be like a Friday without Tom and Brian. It also means that Scott and Pete will be jockeying for position as to who gets to be the supervisor. Note: I almost used first initials instead of their real names because for some reason, I thought that someone I know might actually read this. I don’t even think the people I work with know that blogs exist.

I have to work on my opposition and other character sheets this week. I changed my lead character. I just had the hardest time this week trying to get behind my original choice. It didn’t work, so I spent over three hours trying to find the perfect person. I can link people to each other like magic now. I can’t believe I spent over three hours on What a colossal waste of time. Maybe not, I finally found the right person…I just can’t remember how. I even gave her a cute name…

Get image codes at:

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Thursday 13 #6

Thirteen Things That Scare the Jeebies Out of Me

1. Heights
2. Thunder & Lightning
3. The Grinch
4. Criticism
5. Death of close family members
6. Bridges
7. Fireworks
8. Failure
9. My dogs getting out of the yard
10. Circus
11. Snakes
12. Elevators
13. Wind

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Monday, August 14, 2006

I give advice, so I have to take it

Fire fire everywhere. I have my bedroom window open with the fan in and the smoke is almost overwhelming. You would think the forest fires were in our backyard instead of 80+ miles away. This is typical August for Montana though.

Work was okay. I am still a little pissed with Kim. I just wish she could do her job and do it right, so that I don’t have to pick up the slack. Well, I should say so that I didn’t have to pick up the slack, because I am not doing it anymore. I did it for last week’s progress reports, but I don’t have time to do it anymore. I barely have time to put in the reports, let alone add up the scores.

I put in for a different job with the company. I might get an interview out of it…a big might. But that will be about all. I did it because I am interested in the job and think that I would totally kick ass in it, and because I give advice, so I have to take it. I tell Billie Jo all the time that she should put in for jobs because it shows she is interested in advancing, so I thought I better take my own advice. The job pays twice what I make now and requires a ton of OT and travel. Of course you don’t get paid for OT because it is salaried…but it would be an awesome advancement. If only this was the change the psychic was talking about. If it turns out to be, I will definitely go back to the freak.

The weekend was quiet. I only lost one pound, which I half expected, but it is still a loss. I didn’t do much…except I finished my lead character sketch. Now, I can get started on part four.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Thursday 13 #5

Thirteen Things That Pissed Me Off This Week

It being implied that I might steal someone’s idea for a novel, for simply putting together information from public emails/posts into a condensed, readable format.

The rental car not having power windows, power doors, cruise control.

Getting group assignment sheets for every person in someone’s group because she thinks she’s important and is to fucking stupid to get updated rosters.

Skanky people who spend their time in the boss’ office kissing ass and other things.

That #1 made me go to bed angry, wake up angry and put me in a crabby mood for the entire next day.

That I couldn’t come up with a decent suppose.

That my car wasn’t ready when they told me it would be. I miss my cruise control.

That people start rumors and believe things without having correct information.


The asshole who pulled out in front of me on the highway and made me brake.

That I paid $5.00 to watch a movie that wasn’t very good and that I will have to shell out another $3.50 for when it comes out on video just so I can hear what they said.

That it was $.07 a copy at Staples and my copies didn’t come out in order.

That there is no decent television programs this summer.

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!
1. Julie

2. The Merry Rose

3. Wolfbernz

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

4% of the people

4% of the people who voted on’s pole believe that Paris Hilton will keep her celibacy promise. I am not one of the 4%. I don’t really care, I just like to vote in stupid poles. It is less hectic than trying to vote in a real election.

Work – good.

I have named the rental car Ghetto Superstar. Ghetto because it lacks features that should be standard. Superstar because it is brand freaking new and bright freaking red.

I finally came up with my suppose. Suppose the police are baffled by a series of murders, at first thought to be suicides. It came out of my idea box and I thought it would be interesting. We’ll see what happens.

Tonight, I have to read about lead characters. I have an idea, I just don’t have a name anymore. I had a name for over 2 years and then the fuckers over at Grey’s Anatomy used it and I don’t want anyone thinking that is where I got the name from. Fucking Grey’s.

The wind is blowing here. I hate the wind. It scares me. A lot. I am 30 years old and I turn up the music real loud to avoid hearing the wind and thunder and hard rain. I am a 30 year old frady butt. (I don’t like cats).

It seems to me that there was something I was going to be opinionated about, but as with a lot of things lately, my mind as been etch e sketched.

**Edit** I did this chart for the writing group and thought that others might like it, well some did and apparently some didn't but are to chicken shit to say anything directly to me. So, fuck it, I wasted all that time at work and I'm not doing it anymore. Quite honestly, I am very bitter right now, but still, honestly I don't give a fuck what the others write. I am doing it for myself, not for them. I guess some people are worried I am going to use their ideas...they are not that fucking great. First, they put them on a public message board, second, it was a nice gesture, third, we are all adults and should be on the honor system. Yeah, I am definitely upset about this right now...but in a few months, I will look back on it and think, "Jesus, Heather, what the fuck was your problem?"

I also changed my suppose to ...While investigating a series of murders made to look like suicide, the lead detective finds herself in the middle of an internal affairs investigation.

Fuck, I am still pissed off.

Monday, August 07, 2006

...victory red...

I felt so girly and flirty and sexy and pretty today. I love when I plan an outfit in my head and it turns out to be just right. It was a good day.

I took my car into the shop to get it fixed tonight…it can’t come back soon enough. Seriously, this rental is cheaped out. It is a 2007 Chevy Cobalt, victory red, no power windows, no power doors, no cruise control. WTF? I rely heavily on my cruise control. I set it at the top of the hill and take it off a mile before my exit. This means that I will have to monitor and control my speed. The only thing this car has going for it is that it has signal lights and a pretty good engine…I think. Other than that, I may as well be Fred Fucking Flintstone. In 2007 they are still making hand crank windows in cars? Are you fucking kidding me? Unbelievable. I came so close to turning around and saying…give me the PT Cruiser.

I still haven’t come up with a suppose. I am supposed to work on that tonight. So, I am trying to get as much of my to do list done now, so that I can watch the Closer and then shower and then maybe figure out a suppose. It is stressing me out. It is not supposed to stress me out. UGH!

Oh, by the by, for whomever is reading this, I am discontinuing the Random Plot Generator. One, there was no response to it, and two, I don’t feel like being that creative every Sunday on top of trying to write a novel. I had an idea to replace it with something else, but I didn’t write it down, and now I can’t remember what it was.

Sunday, August 06, 2006 a negative way...

How sad is it that you need a “to do” file in your “to do” file? I have that…now. Seriously, there are things in my email to do file that I just don’t have time to do right now. I thought that I was caught up with the reading for group…finally and then I find out that the fucking workbook doesn’t follow the book. I wish the moderator would just put up a reading schedule. I feel so far behind because I can’t come up with a suppose (Suppose Jack dumps Marianne and she goes on a killing spree) for my novel. I think I can come up with a decent suppose, but then I am supposed to give my lead some sort of crisis that affects their life in a negative way. I just can’t come up with one. Well, I can come up with one; I just can’t decide how it would all work out in the end. Fuck!

Anyway, back to the to do files…I think that I am going to unsub to some groups that I just don’t read anything that comes through anyways. I have never read one post in the NCIS group and there are a couple of groups that are not active. I have been thinking about posting to daily writing though. That is of course if I make the time (15 to 20 minutes) to actually do a prompt. I am trying to do too much again. I have all the grandiose ideas and then I fall flat. Kind of like this novel writing thing. If I get two chapters done, I will be proud of myself. I don’t see myself completing an entire novel. So why am I even bothering? I want to prove myself wrong. A little mental, I know.

I went to see Miami Vice today…that movie sucked. Not as bad as some movies I have seen, but it is no blockbuster got to see again movies. Well, actually I do have to see it again because I either need closed captioning or I need it to be louder. The previews and commercials were super loud and then the movie seemed to go down in volume. It also seemed like they were mumbling a lot too. I had trouble getting past Colin Farrell’s hair. It looked so greasy and dirty, I just wanted to wash it, cut it off and shave that hideous mustache off of his face. Further, I don’t think I like Jamie Foxx that much. I liked him in Bait, but after that…nothing. I think that Miami Vice was great back in the day, but today it is more of a Bad Boys generation. One final thought, I really wish they would not have waited until the credits to play Non Point’s version of In the Air Tonight.

This was a great weekend. I slept late Saturday…won enough money to buy the boys some beds and toys. Went to the movie, no matter how it sucked, got some reading done, rearranged my room a little bit, and I got my exercise room. Yes, this was a good weekend.

Friday, August 04, 2006

I have no plans

The weekend is here and I have no plans. Well that’s not entirely true. I may get my office/gym back. I am trying to decide if I want to have a bedroom and an office or if I want to keep living like I am in a studio apartment. Right now, I don’t have the tv on and I feel like I could write for hours. Next week, however I might have the tv on and be more into that then into my writing. Of course, right now, I just want to get this over with and go read. I feel so motivated to start writing that I just want to read the book and get caught up with everyone else. But then, I have all these tasks that I am supposed to complete and I feel guilty snuggling on the bed reading.

Work was good. Another quiet Friday. I wish all days were like today. I would never be behind and the db might be on the server.

I didn’t do anything but email and my Thursday 13 last night. We went out to find a UPS drop box because I didn’t like the vest I got from LL Bean and after that we made a surprise on me trip to Walmart to get an indoor kennel. Now we need to make another trip to get another one. Then we stopped at the mall and then I put the kennel together. So…I didn’t get much of my tasks done last night and I didn’t make a task minder for tonight. I am punting.

Well, I am going to go make my bed and read my glorious books.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Thursday 13 #4

Thirteen Television Shows I Watch(ed) Faithfully

1. TJ Hooker

2. CSI

3. The Hat Squad

4. VH1 - I Love the 80's, 90's, etc

5. Closer

6. Macruder & Loud

7. E/R (not ER)

8. Three's Company

9. Miami Vice

10. St. Elsewhere

11. Sex and the City

12. Entourage

13. NCIS

Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

Karen W
Jenny Ryan

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

But sadly they have

How exciting! I got my books today. Not just my writing book, but my Ed McBain book. In case anyone is wondering, I am one of the biggest Ed McBain fans out there. I dedicated a lot of money and time to tracking down every single 87th Precinct book a few years ago. I can read them over and over again. I never want them to end. But sadly they have. Ed died last year. This new book, Learning to Kill, is a compilation of his early short stories and other pieces.

I had a super great day at work too. Nothing thrilling happened, I just was able to get the stats for July done and I did a couple new reports. George and Bob really liked the write up/incident report summary that I did. Now, I will do those every two weeks and a monthly summary. 71% of our write ups were written warnings and a good portion of those were Failure to stand for count, which if becomes an actual write up can send a guy straight to prison. I also got to tour the juvenile facility. It actually made me quite jealous. Our facility is a shit hole, which we have known from day one, but after seeing the juvi facility, makes it look like a shit hole’s shit hole.

Tonight, I am going to read! Go figure. Now I just need to find my book light so I can read in bead without lighting up the whole room. I used to know where everything was…and then we cleaned out the back room so we Mom could paint…so now I can’t find anything.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

I know one thing

I developed a new To Do List yesterday at work and today I got everything on it done and prepared tomorrow’s as well. I figure that this will last for the rest of this week and perhaps through Tuesday of next week. I do this all the time, and then somewhere along the way, I fall back into my procrastination habits.

I know one thing…I am deleting all of my reminders in outlook because every time I am in the middle of typing it fucking dings and pops up and messes me up.

That is the excitement of my day. Unless you count making an appointment to get my car fixed because four weeks ago, while shopping for work, some guy backed into me in the Walmart parking lot and they finally called me last week and said that they are accepting liability on his policy. Oh, I also picked up Elliott’s picture. It is not as good as I expected, but it was free and she was crazy. Now, I am going to photoshop Cooper’s picture so that he doesn’t feel left out.

I really wish I would have done 2nd day shipping on my Marshall Plan books. I am itching to do the next assignment, but I don’t have access to chapter 2, so it makes it a little hard. Eh…I probably won’t follow through on the “course” anyway.