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Monday, September 28, 2015

Immortality

Sixteen years and that is how they ended things?

Last night was the series swan song for CSI (the original). They titled the finale Immortality Parts 1 and 2. The only thing that was immortal was the length! That two hours drug on like it was a screening of Vanilla Sky (the longest and worst movie in history).

When a show promotes its storyline as “an event that paralyzes Las Vegas” it really should have an event that paralyzes the city. Immortality did not. There was an explosion in one fake casino owned by Catherine Willows. The city went on with life like all the explosion was was a malfunctioning Strip attraction. It did explain how/why Catherine came back to town so I will give them a point for that. I will take that point away though because of the Lady Heather connection and Grissom knowing her better than anyone. Actually, I am going to take two points away for each of those (score: -1),

Grissom is in San Diego, living on a boat and being all CSI: The Open Seas (-1). He gets detained by either SDPD or Harbor Patrol and doesn’t use his Nick Stokes connection (-2) (score: -4). Conrad apparently gets him released and on a plane to Vegas because of Lady Christian Grey (-1). This after he makes a jumped the shark reference (I am going to let that slide even though it was a really poor delivery).

Sara is applying for the lab director position because Sam Malone is going to CSI: Cyber to hang with The Beek. (+1 for Sam – no effect on CSI). Oh, I almost forgot Brass is/was working security for Cat at the casino even though I thought he skipped town to take care of his murdering heartless daughter. 

Gil, Jim, Cat, Sara and Diebenkorn (D.B.! +1, -2.5 (Gil & Jim are no longer LVPD or even any sort of law enforcement and are just chillin’ like it ain’t no thing and Cat wouldn’t be allowed that close to an investigation that involves her business even if she is FBI) are all sitting around talking about the case and Sara gets a bit jealousnarky re: Gil & Lady Heather. It is like it was some 14 years ago when Sara had this giant hard on for Grissom (-1). Also he knows what the gold keys to Christian Grey’s red room look like (+1) Yawn. (Score: -6.5)

Holy, crap where are we? Oh, some random teacher dons a suicide bomb vest and is supposed to take out the entire Little Miss Sunshine pagent, but instead just takes out herself and some poor bomb unit guy who lost at roshambo. Conveniently they find some random flowers in her classroom and Gil the Science Guy determines they are full of some mind controlling pollen that acted faster than when Scarface went head on into a mountain of blow and suddenly she was able to be convinced to put on the vest and then boom her and bomb tech. (-3)

They can’t find Lady Heather. Go figure. But find a lot of blood in her house, but no worries, it’s not hers. And even if it was, it could have totally been a Gone Girl type sitch. After some science-y stuff Sara & Jim because why not him, head back to Lady Heather’s and Sara see’s Heather and chases after her, but she gets into a car and it goes boom and Brass gets flames all on him and has to go to the hospital and we never see him again. (-1 +1)

During the autopsy of Lady Heather, everyone stands around like it’s their first day in autopsy class at Grey Sloane Memorial and one look at her fingers and Gil leaves, heads to some bar and meets Lady Heather. He knew she wasn’t dead because she never takes off her rings (-3).  (Score: -12.5)

He convinces her to go to PD and then asks that they “respect” her during interrogation. Because all suspects of bombings and terrorism deserve to not be waterboarded. Also, the interrogators are Sara, Morgan, Catherine and Diebenkorn, because they have done away with actual detectives in Las Vegas and the CSIs do it all (-6). There is all Lady Heather and Sara snarkyness and Sara runs off like a prom queen whose boyfriend was getting a bj under the bleachers, and Cat chases after her because…well probably because someone on the crew realized she would never be allowed to interrogate the suspect that may have bombed her casino. (-2) (Score: -20.5)

Blah blah more stuff, happens and there is some eager new CSI 1 who is bouncing around and brings in Gil’s suitcase and they determine that is not his suitcase and Cat yells bomb and everyone runs. They bring in Johnny Five to scan the suitcase and find a body inside. During autopsy, Super Dave finds an sd card in dead man’s mouth and that leads to a convenient video that connects some dots. So Gil decides to sit outside and draw a whale in his art book. Cat asks him to teach the new girl some skills and he is all like, “nah, I’d rather just hang here and color” and the best line of the night goes to Cat when Gil asks where the new girl came from and she says “my vagina”. Yep in case you weren’t expecting it because of standard soap opera protocol, new girl is Lindsey. So Gil is obligated to teach her how to dust for prints by using the tried and true Dr. Seuss rhyming method. (-5, +1, -3: -7)

Linds finds the one random sticker that leads to a drawing and coordinates to an abandoned building where Grissom goes in alone and unarmed because it makes total sense. He finds a cadaver doll and when he and the good doctor autopsy it they discover bees and that leads to Gil and Sara in Out of Las Vegas tracking bees and then testing to see if they have human parts present on them when they return. Yes it was as dumb and contrived as it sounds (-7).

They figure out through some sort of DNA and other voodoo that one of Heather’s clients is responsible and they track him to his apartment building where he is not, but there are three random cars with bombs in their trunks. Instead of say clearing the building and hauling ass, Cat, Greg & Morgan stay to defuse the situation. (-7) Meanwhile Gil & Sara have found Mr. Submissive who has cancer and that is why his initial DNA swab didn’t match anything and yada yada, (-2) he has a suicide bomb strapped to him and the detonator/timer for the car bombs and about six gun site lasers on him and threatens to blow up the garage and pull the rip cord on his vest, ending the audience’s misery, but fails to come through (-100)

He blames Grissom for taking Heather away from him and Grissom gives him some lame ass story about a stupid male whale who sings a song to low for any potential lady whale partner to here and then pulls the rip cord. (-3) Nothing explodes (-500) nor does the garage (-500). Sara gets the lab director job, then Lindsey puts the tape of Gil & Lady Heather on her desk and basically tells her to just watch the end and then she goes to San Diego and she and Grissom literally sail off into the sunset. (-vomit covered 1000). Oh and Catherine who broke the news of the death of their mother to two little girls before finding out if they had any family, has decided she wants to return to Las Vegas and run the lab that her daughter works in and raise these little girls because adoption officials are going to completely overlook her slutty attire and sketchy past and let her have these children and you know nepotism is fine in law enforcement. (-749.5)

No flashback to Warrick or Nick (-2000 for Nick and -104 for Warrick – dude may have had his problems, but he deserves some sort of shout out).

Final Score: -5000


I can’t believe this is the story they came up with for a series finale. There were hour long episodes that were more intense than this. They could have done so much and made such a statement and impact and they end it with every Grissom/Sara shippers dream…them sailing into the sunset together. My own brain wanted to strap on a suicide vest and pull the cord after watching this. I could have stared at the moon for two hours and been more entertained! I am so very disappointed that this is how they went out. For such a groundbreaking show to actually bury itself in mundane clich├ęs instead of actually breaking ground and going out with a bang is a disservice to all of those people who watched and cared about this, who anticipated something amazing. I would be embarrassed to have my name in those writing credits. 

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

#30Lists - September 2015: Issue 3

I must apologize for the photographs. They are not good. The last two evenings have been rainy and by the time I settled in last night to take photos, well it was past 8:00 and a light bulb burned out, so...

9 -- On My "Fall" List




  • make halloween & thanksgiving cards
  • read
  • learn something new
  • finish at least one work in progress

10 -- Favorite Souvenirs



  • penguins jersey
  • d.c. flip flops
  • fbi travel cup
  • c.s.i. hat

11 -- My Best Friends



  • are there for me
  • understand me
  • do NOT judge me
  • love me
  • are few in number, but...
    • are all of the above

12 -- Things I Learned This Week



  • I like detailed work
  • Do not write two list challenges on the same calendar page because you will eventually screw up
  • Etsy is a dangerous rabbit hole
  • A new derogatory phrase that I will not share (+ how to spell derogatory...)

13 -- My Dream Jobs



  • Tim Holtz' best friend
  • T.V. Blogger
  • Professional sarcastic-ist
  • Writer
  • Graphic Designer
  • Shop Owner

14 -- Things That Confuse Me



  • Why does the clock in soccer count up and not down
  • Politics and the lack of common sense
  • Why soap opera writers think their audiences are stupid & re-write history
  • The appeal of "reality" t.v.
  • Body|Fat Shaming
  • Why everything on Amazon isn't PRIME
  • Why facebook doesn't tase people when they post something vague

15 -- On My "To Watch" List (or as I like to call it, further proof why I should be a t.v. blogger)



  • Blindspot
  • Limitless
  • Castle
  • Grandfathered
  • Blood & Oil
  • Scorpion
  • The Grinder
  • The Flash
  • Chicago Med
  • Scandal
  • Chicago Fire
  • Rosewood
  • Quantico
  • Modern Family
  • Code Black
  • Mysteries of Laura
  • The player
  • The Blacklist
  • Law & Order: SVU
  • Arrow
  • How To Get Away with Murder
  • Chicago P.D.
  • Grey's Anatomy
  • The Vampire Diaries

16 -- I Would Like To Improve





  • my lettering skills
  • my writing practice
  • budgeting
  • workout  ethic (which is non-existent)
  • crafting cutting technique
Join the #30lists fun!

Monday, September 14, 2015

Movie Monday Volume 1 Issue 7: Kingsman: The Secret Service




Starring: Colin Firth | Mark Strong | Taron Egerton | Samuel L Jackson | Michael Caine Rated: R     Released: February 13, 2015




At first I wasn’t sure what to think of this film. I always find myself awed gobsmacked by British Cinema. They certainly have no problem with dropping the F and C bombs on a regular basis (see The InBetweeners). Once you get used to it, it is not so bad, but don’t watch them with your parents or children! The UK tends to have a more raunchy sense of humor and are a bit more gritty (not this movie, but their drama/thriller/mystery genres). So with that being said…

In the end I really did enjoy this movie. I love a good spy film and this was more of a spoof/satire on the whole spy genre, but it was still fun. There was action, there was comedy and there was Samuel L Jackson with a lisp. The latter might have been the funniest thing about the whole thing when you combine all of it. There was a shock I was not expecting and an ending that set up for sequels ala the Naked Gun run.

WARNING: ENTERING SPOILER TERRITORY


Seriously I am going to spoil the movie.

I have to say one of the things I really loved was the subtle or not so subtle, depending on how familiar you are with King Arthur, code names that referenced Arthur and the Knights. I did find it a bit odd however than when Roxy “won” the coveted spot, she was Lancelot and not Guinevere. I know they said they were replacing Lancelot, but I just kind of expected that to change when she was declared the winner.  

My favorite character was Merlin by far. He was just so matter of fact and kind of badass hot at the same time. I was hoping for an explanation for how Gazelle got her blade legs.

With all the violence of the movie, there was not a whole lot of blood. Way less than the seasons of The Vampire Diaries where Elena turned.  I think the exploding heads with the fireworks was so funny & clever.

And it took me a little bit, I admit, to realize when Valentine called “E” for access to his satellite that it was Elon Musk he was calling. I am not a super nerd who picked up on that right away. I guess I am not that technologically advanced afterall.

I would definitely watch a sequel. Especially now that I know what to expect!

Again, do not watch with your parents or children. Grandparents might enjoy it though!

I am giving this movie three and a half stars. Not that I didn’t love it, but I needed close captioning to figure out what they were saying 90% of the time. I love their accents but their slang is so hard to figure out! Guvner means something totally different than Governor!




EEK! Just saw that a sequel is in the works! AND may involve and American Kingsman! I would jump for joy if the possibility of a black eye wasn’t so high!



Friday, September 11, 2015

LGL: Volume 1 Issue 2: September 11, 2015

Week # 2 of Listers Gotta List. I won't lie, some of these were less than fun and really kind of lame.









Some of these feel more like journaling prompts than listing prompts. The compassion one really just irritates me. It seems so off the light-hearted/fun track of the project. I feel I am a compassionate person, but trying to just list ways in which I practice compassion is very hard to do without more context. I definitely was not feeling this week's prompts. It's not unusual for this particular list base, I often disagree or downright hate their prompts. I actually haven't finished one of their monthly challenges yet. Often they steer towards the planner community, I guess forgetting it is a Lister's challenge, not a planner challenge. They also exclude males in their prompts with such things as "Why I'm a Planner Girl". Not that I think there will be a million man march over the exclusion, but I, if I may get on my soapbox for a moment, think that excluding a gender is wrong. The feminist movement has become so twisted, I really hate to call myself a feminist. I would rather be known as a humanist...stepping carefully off the soapbox.) 

It makes it hard to keep going, but I am not going to be a quitter!






Wednesday, September 09, 2015

#30Lists - September 2015: Issue 2

I’m back with another week of #30lists…

3 – Favorite Days of the Year



  • Any dark, cloudy, rainy day
  • Thanksgiving
  • NHL Opening Day
  • Christmas Eve
  • Any Day I Write
  • Craft Day

 4 – What Keeps Me Up at Night


  • Too much water
  • Wind --- so scary
  • Heat --- I don’t like sleeping with Satan
  • The Dogs
  • Stress
  • Late Movies


5 – Movies That Make Me Laugh


  • Jackass – I don’t know why either
  • Christmas Vacation
  • Miss Congeniality
  • Pitch Perfect
  • The Inbetweeners
  • Beverly Hills Cop series


6 – Favorite Things to Eat for Breakfast


  • Leftovers
  • Lunch
  • Chinese


7 – What I Would Do If I Knew I Couldn’t Fail


  • Write a book
  • Be a t.v. blogger
  • Comedy
  • Open my own business
  • Play the lottery


8 – My Pinterest Boards (just a few)


  • Tagspiration
  • Coloring inside the lines
  • Fontastic
  • Skulls
  • When I Write
  • Knitting
  • Journaling



I am having so much fun this month just focusing on listing! I usually am hopelessly lost by now, but I make sure I take time every night to get my lists done. You can join in the fun…#30Lists

Monday, September 07, 2015

Movie Monday: Volume 1 Issue 6: The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 1



Starring: Jennifer Lawrence | Liam Hemsworth | Woody Harrelson | Donald Sutherland | Julianne Moore | Phillip Seymour Hoffman | Josh Hutcherson
Rated: PG-13     Released: November 21, 2014

Katniss Everdeen is in District 13 after she shatters the games forever. Under the leadership of President Coin and the advice of her trusted friends, Katniss spreads her wings as she fights to save Peeta and a nation moved by her courage.

It took me a while to get around to watching Mockingjay Part one. Not because I didn’t like the series or because I am sad that it is ending, but rather because I didn’t think this book should be spilt into two movies. The book didn’t have much to warrant two movies in my opinion. I felt that Catching Fire would have been the better choice to have split, but then they don’t ask me for my input. Damn Hollywood.

Mockingjay Part One was in a word, boring. There was not a lot of action, there was nothing to root for. Plutarch Heavensbee went from a sly game master to a wimpy producer. It was as if he suffered a head injury during the destruction of the arena and became someone totally different.

In the book, Katniss spent a lot of time in the hospital/infirmary. In the film, not so much. In the book she spent some time training and in the movie, she was just ready to go. If they were just going to focus on her filming propos and declaring herself the Mockingjay, then why couldn’t they have spent forty five minutes on that and then got to the meat of the story and wrapped this up in one film? I know, more films make more money, but seriously, this was the WRONG book to split! Something I wish the Divergent/Insurgent/Allegiant production team would have taken notice of!

I wanted to see more of the brainwashed Peeta attacking Katniss and Johanna being all bitchtastic, but instead we got Effie bitching about her hair. Sigh.

I am giving this 2 ½ stars. I love the series, but I cannot get on board with this film. 


 I am looking forward to part two this November. I am aching for that action and the closure.

Look at this poster!!!!





Friday, September 04, 2015

LGL: Volume 1 Issue 1: September 4, 2015

So another small scheduling change: I am ALSO doing Listers Gotta List this month so those will go up on Fridays and #30Lists will be on Wednesdays! Whew!

1 Favorite September Memories




  • Sister's wedding
  • Homecoming
  • First exams
  • Warm drinks on cold days

2 Favorite Phone Apps


  • instagram
  • kindle
  • starbucks
  • pacifica

3 Back to School Memories


  • school supplies
  • making paper bag book covers
  • dreaded home room!
  • handbook: no bare midriffs, no facial hair
  • shortened first two weeks
  • syllabus

4 Designs I Would Love To See On Washi Tape




Hmm...looks like jpeg is not the way to go...PNG it will be!


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